FInally feeling settled, but still so far away from home

My new town is absolutely mesmerizing. Before my arrival I assumed that living in the mountains was going to be sheer hell. Small town, nothing going on, all of the "hill people" connotations that are obvious to most. But when I first turned onto 460 (main highway that runs straight through town) on August 10th, the finality of my decision really sunk in. "I am driving through my town", I said aloud to no one. "And it is absolutely beautiful". The mountains are covered in emerald tree tops and wild vine that is betwixt along the power lines and tree branches that overlap above, making it seem like one is driving through endless tunnels of God's greenery. From the chair on my porch where I find myself nearly every evening, I look up and out to the mountains that are slowly overtaken by the night's clouds. These are the same clouds that I literally drive through at any part of the day or night, the same clouds that at my home in flatter grounds would hang miles above my head and out of reach. Even in their darkest, stormy hues they do not seem ominous any longer. IN many ways they are comforting to me, and seem to wrap me up tight before bed. Truly the hand of God, in some way, descends on this tiny town and keeps everything quiet, serene, and safe until the morning dawns and a new day begins.

It is with each new day that I gain the strength to get through another day away from the people I love most, and also the conviction to pursue what I came here to do. With each case I brief, every note I take, every definition I have to constantly look up in Black's Dictionary, I feel like I am doing exactly what I have been mean't to do for my entire life. Please don't mistake this eagerness as an admission of the "easyness" of my work. Trust me, it is the most difficult text I have ever encountered and it will only continue to be more complex. But I do not fear this complexity, nor do I shy away from the challenge. Ultimately, I have no other choice but to embrace it. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

empty desk = overwhelming memories

For weeks I have been wishing my time away at CBI. I mean, literally sitting at my desk and cursing the painful minutes that tick by ever-so-slowly. Sooo many things to look forward to, such as sleeping in late(er), time for my daily runs, furniture shopping, and spending leisure time with my friends and family. What's not to love about that?? Seemingly, nothing. So I was understandably surprised by the overwhelming feeling of loss that I experienced this afternoon while cleaning out my desk at work. I deleted my personal files from the computer, consolidated email folders and forwarded information on to the people who would need it when I am gone. It felt great to cross all of these things off of my to-do list! It wasn't until I found a particular binder shoved in the back of my file cabinet that I felt a ping of sadness. The binder contained all of my research and notes that I kept when I first started working at CBI three years ago. As I thumbed thru the pages, I couldn't help but think back to what I was doing in 2008. I was still on the track for law school right out of undergrad; I was in the thick of my favorite political science classes and writing research papers like a crazy girl; I was Standards chair in ADPi, kicking ass and taking names; I was taking Spirit Master assignments to fill up every hour of my free time; and I was soaking up the most historical presidential election to-date, campaigning all year for President Obama to win his rightful place in the White House. But I also remember feeling so blessed to have the job that I did, to have scored an awesome opportunity to take on the corporate project that led to the overflowing binder of stuff that I was now flipping thru reminiscently. I was more appreciative at that time, I think. That time of my life was so fast paced and full of energy, yet thinking back I realize just how much simpler my life was then compared to what I now face. I realize now that time was a virtue I did not think to appreciate, and now I cannot get enough of it.

While I am still bursting at the seams to leave my job, to finally hand it off to someone else, to let go of the mundane 8-5 that I continually bitch about, I know deep down that I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not accepted this job and mastered the ensuing challenges. But I can't bring myself to take down the pictures of Jackson and my family that clutter my cubicle. Nor can I box up the picture of Bill Clinton and I, that was taken in the fall of 2008 at a rally for Hillary Clinton, right in the midst of the busiest and most exciting time of my life. I can't box up the books on my desk or the empty coffee mugs with brown rings still plastered to the bottom. But next Friday, when the time comes that I will be forced to wipe clean the desk I have labored in front of for three years, I know it's going to be both a sad and happy day. I will be sad to not sit in the same room for 8 hours with my sister and Hattie, but more than happy to never see my supervisor again. I will be sad to say goodbye to Rob who has been my mentor since the 8th grade, but happy to leave knowing that I made him proud. I will be the saddest because that Friday will leave me only 24 more days in BG with my family and friends. But ultimately I know that happiness will prevail because my life is positively moving forward in the direction that I chose on my own, and that in itself brings a smile to my face :)

Technologically not-so-savvy

I have many skills (-insert: Napoleon Dynamite voice-); I can zip thru texts ranging from Harry Potter to Federal court rulings; I can bust out a 12 page research paper in a matter of hours (I perfected this particular skill in undergrad), and I consider myself to be a pretty good cook. However, I cannot for the life of me move upward from my "sub-par" status in the technology world.

My latest conundrum: syncing my iPhone to my iTunes. Last night I finally borrowed a USB syncing/charger cord thing for my phone and I was so excited to transfer all of my new music. So after a long and tiring day I snuggled into my nest, booted up my new mac book, and said aloud, "This shouldn't be too difficult". Turns out I was wrong. Right off the bar I was prompted to register my phone, then to update it, then to do something like verify my computer so that I could legally transfer my purchased items to my iTunes library. All in a matter of seconds. I clicked the "OK's" and "Not now's" and, after searching for a good 10 minutes for the "sync" tab, I downloaded my entire playlist to my phone. There was quite a bit, so in the meantime I fbooked a little, checked my emails, etc... When it was "OK to disconnect" I excitedly checked my phone only to find that ALL OF MY APPS WERE MISSING!!! Did the app monster sneak into my phone and steal what was rightfully his??! Were they hidden in a secret folder I don't know about?!? Were they illegally downloaded and my info sent to the FCC? Nope--none of the above. Apparently when I was blindly clicking the introductory prompts I answered an "OK" instead of a "Cancel". I am still confused as to whether or not I can sync new songs without re-downloading my entire library, and more importantly, whether or not all of my apps will be erased the next time I sync my phone. Any advice would be great (hint hint, Mostoutspokenmily, I require your assistance!)

But really, why do I act surprised?? I know my rightful place in the world of tech., and should know better than to trying something new without first consulting one of my many technologically savvy friends. What a girl to do?!